I'll Always Miss You
by Neko-Houkou
Summary: Who is in a worse place; those who die or those who are left behind? Nepeta isn't sure she knows.


I didn't forget about you! But Finals are coming up and then it's Christmas so have some pain-filled feels while I vanish for another week or two!

I do not own Homestuck. But maybe in an alternate universe I do.

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The grates were dusty, but Nepeta didn't mind so much. After living in a cave for most of her life the narrow metal passage seemed relatively clean. Equius would be positively furious if he knew she was disobeying his orders. But she felt perfectly safe with her Moirail on guard, so she couldn't bring herself to worry.

There was a faint scent drifting through the grate in front of her. It piqued her curiosity, so she tried to peer through the slots. On the other side was a rather brutal scene. All of Terezi's scalemates were torn to shreds. Nepeta gasped. She was fond of those scalemates, but Terezi would be disappointed to know that some other legislacerator had gotten there first!

There was nothing she could do about it, so she continued on her way. Still, it did make her upset. With Gamzee acting crazy, and Vriska and Terezi going well past caliginous and straight into murderous, having a cuddly scalemate would be just the thing to cheer someone up! It seemed positively awful that someone would go out of their way to tear up the toys.

The small troll continued to scurry through the ducts. The scent became more noticeable, so she peeked through the next set of gaits… grates she came upon. There was a message written on the wall. "Are you next? :0)"

Nepeta giggled at first, wondering what she was supposed to be next for. But then her attention turned back to the smell. It was familiar, much like some of the beasts she used to hunt. She wondered if there was a dead animal somewhere nearby. Her attention absorbed by the new mystery, she turned around and continued to venture through the narrow passage.

After only a few minutes she came upon a single grate. Not to be deterred, she pulled it off of the wall and stepped through. There was a chest against the wall, but she ignored it to examine one of the transportalizers. Not only did it not work, the other one in the room was broken as well! She furrowed her brows. Feeling a bit anxious, she sniffed around, finally taking notice of the bright splotches of dried liquid on the floor.

She knelt to get a better look. The smell was less familiar, but she thought she recognized it. It looked like the paint that Gamzee always wore.

A prickle ran up her spine and her hair stood on end. She thought back to the message in the other room. Gamzee always used that face when he was typing. Had the message been written in blood? It was brown. Was Tavros dead?

Nepeta whined and curled into a ball. She felt sick to her stomach. She knew Equius was concerned about the highblood, but had he really killed Tavros? Her body shook as she hugged herself. While she hadn't been worried before, she was terrified now. Even with her Moirail looking out for her, this was dangerous. She had to do what he told her and hide. Maybe if she did that, it would be easier for him to do what he needed. If he didn't have to worry about her being found, he might stay out of trouble himself.

Now determined to follow her Moirail's orders, she bounded over to the other grate on the far side of the room. It didn't take her long to remove it from the wall and squeeze into the opening. As she wandered further into the duct, a thought struck her. Perhaps she could sniff out Equius and follow him through the ducts, just to make sure he was alright. She could keep an eye on him without him even knowing. Given what she had just seen, it would put her mind at ease.

As she traveled further into the dark, a noise echoed down the grate. It was a single sound, and she was too far from the original source to discern what it was. That didn't stop her from perking her ears to figure it out. She slowed her canter down the passageway. After a few moments of relative silence she increased her pace once again. She still tread quietly, her hunter instincts taking over and urging her to move with caution.

When she finally spied a light at the end of the tunnel she slowed once more. She carefully pressed up to the final grate. Her pupils dilated and her heart pounded against her ribcage.

Her beloved Moirail was dead. His eyes were bulging out of his head, his mouth was twisted into a pained smile, his leg was seeping blood from the arrow wound in his leg, and he was dead.

Her Moirail was gone. She was all alone. He had died trying to prevent her from being harmed, and had left her to fend for herself.

Nepeta was not one to feel rage. But as she saw Gamzee hovering over her dearest companions body she let forth a roar of rage. She slammed the grate out of the way and leapt from the vent. A snarl ripped from her throat as she whipped out her claws to tear Gamzee's head off.

Her descent came to a jarring halt as Gamzee whipped around and grabbed her wrist. The smaller troll wanted to shriek, but could do no more than hiss at him. The noise died in her throat as the juggalo, smile never wavering, dragged her claws across his face, leaving three bleeding marks.

She was so caught up in the psychotic action she didn't realize he had thrown her until she hit the wall. She coughed and tried to struggle to her feet so she could run. Her fight instinct had abandoned her in favor of flight. She knew she couldn't win.

And as she watched the clown raise his club, she knew she couldn't escape either.

The first blow was to the side of her head. It dizzied her, but she didn't lose consciousness right away. Her body gave out and collapse on the floor. Terrified, confused, she tried to crawl toward her Moirail through the sticky trail of blood. The clown let her scramble across the floor for a few moment before straddling her body. Further incensed, Nepeta tried to speed her movements. But she couldn't get away before Gamzee delivered a second blow, this time to her left ribs.

She vomited blood while trying to shriek in pain. The noise that escaped sounded more like a gurgle. She curled up into a ball instinctively to try to protect herself from further harm. She didn't hear Gamzee moving, but she couldn't tell if he was being still or if the ringing in her ears covered it. It didn't matter to her, though.

Tears started streaming down her face. Her Moirail had left her all alone. She didn't want to be alone. He would be furious if he knew that she had tried to fight instead of running away. He had died attempting to keep her alive. She should have respected his wishes. But she had wanted nothing more than to avenge him, as though that would somehow bring him back.

She forced herself to uncurl. Despite the searing pain in her head and side, she reached out toward the blurred figure of her Moirail's corpse. She wasn't scared of dying; she was scared of living without him.

The pain of the final blow never reached her brain. One moment she was reaching out to grab his hand. The next, she was on LOLCAT, tackling Equius into a pouncehug. She was so happy, getting to meet her Moirail in person for the first time!

He stared up at her as she sat on his chest. Her grin was so wide that it almost hurt her face, but she was just so perfectly happy! When Equius smiled up at her in response she felt even more pleased.

But then his smile faded. She frowned as well in response. Why wasn't he happy anymore? They could finally be Meowrails in person! "Nepeta, why are you crying?" Equius asked, his lips pulled into a deeply concerned frowned.

"I'm not crying! I'm happy to finally meet you!" she exclaimed. Yet she still touched her cheeks, just to confirm he was being silly!

When she pulled her fingers away, there were olive tinted tears on her skin. "Huh?" she asked, looking at Equius. But he wasn't there anymore. Because he had left her alone when he died. And then she had died, too.

She curled up into a ball and cried until she fell asleep, drifting through the afterlife.


End file.
